A Hard Question About You

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I want you to think about something for a moment. When was the last time that you did something for yourself? Not because the kids needed something, your partner needed something, or because there was another job to get done around the house, but something that you genuinely wanted to do simply because you enjoy it. If your working shifts, particularly in a job where you spend your working hours looking after other people, that might be a surprisingly difficult question for you to actually answer. Because somewhere between the roster, the family, the housework, and trying to get enough sleep, it's incredibly easy to find yourself at the bottom of your own priority list. And today I want to talk about that. Not because you not no, I don't want to give you another list of things that you should be doing, but because I actually think it's something that a lot of shift workers need to hear. Because it doesn't have to be this way. For far too long, we've accepted fatigue, poor sleep, burnout, and declining health as simply part of working in a 24-7 environment. I don't believe they are. Whether you're a shift worker, trying to feel better, or a leader responsible for the people who keep your organisation running around the clock, you're in the right place. Welcome to a healthy shift. I'm Roger Sutherland, and after more than four decades of working 24-7 shifts with Victoria Please, followed by years of studying nutrition, circadian biology, human performance, and working with literally thousands of shift workers, I've made it my mission to change the conversation around shift work. Because healthier people create stronger teams, and stronger teams build better organizations. And it all starts by understanding how to work with your biology and not against it. Let's get into today's episode.

Caring For Everyone But Yourself

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And welcome back to a healthy shift, the shift workers podcast. My name, Roger Sutherland. That's right. And I just want to say how thrilled I am that you are actually here and listening to this episode of the show. Today, I want to talk about something that I see regularly in my work with shift workers, and this is through conversations with DMs, it's through email, it's just through conversations with clients. And it's something that I suspect that many of you out there listening will also recognize in your own lives. It's common in shift workers. And it's that feeling of being responsible for everybody and everything, while somehow finding very little time or energy for you. How much did that hurt? And I think this is particularly common amongst people working, especially in nursing and policing and ambulance and emergency services and other roles where looking after people is part of that job. You spend your hours responding to other people's needs. While you're at work, that's all you're doing. You're making decisions, solving problems, dealing with difficult situations. And what you end up doing is putting your own needs aside because there's something more urgent that requires your attention. And then you finish your shift and you head home. And instead of everything stopping, you just continue on in this vein. And it's another set of responsibilities that begin. There might be children to collect from school. You've got meals to prepare, washing to get done. It's book week, appointments to organize, a partner who needs time with you, or any number of things that come with everyday life. It's never ending. And somewhere in amongst all of that, you're supposed to find time to sleep properly, get movement, eat well, maintain relationships, and look after your own health. It's a lot, isn't it? Now I don't want this to sound like I'm suggesting that shift workers are the only people who experience this. Of course they are not. Because plenty of people working conventional hours are juggling exactly the same responsibilities. And we spoke about this in a few episodes back where we talk we compared nine to five Monday to Friday with shift work, where everyone has to pack things into the weekend, whereas we get a day off during the week to be able to do that. But shift work also adds another layer of difficulty because the hours available to you are constantly changing. There's no consistency. And when you're already tired, even the simplest of things can feel like they require a considerable amount of effort. How many times do you know that the list is there, but you flop on the couch, pick up the phone, and start doom scrolling? It happens all the time. Because there's one thing that we do is we get into a habit of putting ourselves last. And this is one thing that I've noticed over the years is that people who work in caring and service roles can become very good at recognizing what everybody else needs while being remarkably poor at recognizing what they need themselves. I want you to think about the nurse who spends an entire shift making sure that patients are comfortable, have their medication, they're fed, they're being properly cared for, they're warm enough, they're tucked in, they're comfortable. Or a police officer who spends the day responding to other people's problems. Hear a problem, make decision, keep the situation under control, solve the issue, move on. Then they go home and continue looking after everybody else around them. See the problem, try and solve the problem, deal with the problem, move on. And this is what we do. Now there's some there's nothing wrong with caring about other people. In fact, it's one of the things that I admire most about these people who work in the professions that you do. But there can be a cost when your own needs are continually pushed aside. And often it doesn't happen deliberately. Nobody wakes up one morning and says, right, that's it. I'm gonna stop looking after myself. It actually happens gradually. You miss a training session, oh, because something came up. You cancel a catch-up with a friend, oh, because I had something to do. You stop making time for the hobbies that you used to enjoy because there always seemed to be something more important to do. And eventually, those things stop becoming part of your routine altogether. You get so used to being busy that you almost forget what it feels like to have some time that's actually yours. Can you relate to that? How many times do you actually think, oh no, I can't just sit here. This is no good. Often. So when does rest become another job? Something else I find interesting in the pressure we sometimes put on ourselves to make every available hour productive. And I see this particularly with shift workers who have a couple of days off between a demanding block of work. They look at those days and they see an opportunity to catch up on everything that they haven't been able to do. The list starts. I've got two days off, I'm going to start the list, and you've got the list there. The house needs cleaning, the shopping needs doing. There's appointments to attend, family commitments to manage, and jobs that have all been waiting all week. And before you know it, your days off have disappeared and you get in the uniform out and you're ready to go again. Now they've been incredibly busy, but they haven't necessarily had much opportunity to recover. And then the next block of shifts begins. And so this perpetuates.

Days Off That Do Not Restore

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And I think it's important to understand that time away from work and genuine recovery aren't always the same thing. Now, I want to be clear here too. This is not about I'm listening to my body and I'm sleeping in. I'm listening to my body, I've flopped on the couch and I'm doom scrolling. I'm listening to my body and I'm just going to take it easy today. That's not the same thing. And that doesn't necessarily mean that you've done anything wrong. You can have two days off and still arrive back at work feeling exhausted. It may simply mean that the demands on your time have been greater than the opportunity that you've had to recover. And this is really common. And this is where I think we need to be a little bit more realistic about what we're asking people to fit into their lives. If somebody is working rotating shifts, raising children and managing a household, telling them to add another hour of exercise and elaborate meal prep routine and a perfect sleep schedule is not helpful at all. And I never do this with my clients. I never say, right, you need to do meal preps on Sundays. You've got to make sure you send me a photo of all your containers across the bench. I never do. In fact, rarely, we even discuss nutrition. Even though nutrition is the issue, because I am blissfully aware that the issues that sit over nutrition come from every other area. And when you fix those other areas, nutrition takes care of itself. Now, sometimes the answer is not adding more, it's actually sitting there, it's looking at what's already there and deciding what actually matters. What matters. Because there's a big difference between being busy and being productive. You can have a list with 12 things on it and only get three done. But they might have been three productive things. Or you become overwhelmed because you made a list. I understand people make lists and you need to keep a list going. It's important that you know, so we don't forget. Because we do, as shift workers, we suffer from decision fatigue. We've made so many decisions and dealt with so many things. We need a little bit of, I need to take the pressure off myself and write this down. And I think that makes sense. But let's keep it like ordinary. Let's be realistic. Let's look at the day and say, what can I actually achieve? Achieve the achievable. And most importantly, what does Roger say? Control the controllable. Now the things that we stopped doing. I want you to think back to something, and you you will know something that you used to really enjoy doing before life became a hectic shift-working life and got so busy. Was it going for a walk? Was it playing a particular sport? Reading, swimming, catching up with friends, gardening, or simply sitting quietly with a coffee. When was the last time you just sat there, no phone, no nothing, and just sat there with your own thoughts over a coffee, just watching the steam come off the cup? Something that wasn't connected to work or a family responsibility or getting another job done. Are you still doing it? And if not, think back. When did it disappear? It naturally got eroded away, didn't it? And I asked this because I think one of the less obvious consequences of constantly putting ourselves last is that we can gradually lose touch with the things that make life enjoyable. And then all of a sudden it's all blamed on shift work, and shift work becomes the demon. We become very good at fulfilling our responsibilities, but we're not always very good at making room for ourselves. And when you're working shifts, it can be easy to convince yourself that you'll get back to those things when the roster settles down. We know that that doesn't happen. But as anyone who's worked shifts for a long time knows the next roster is just around the corner. There will always be another busy period. There'll be another night shift, another family commitment, or another reason why this week isn't quite the right week to start. And sometimes, if we keep waiting for the perfect opportunity, it never arrives. And you know that. Because if you look back to this time 12 months ago, you were doing exactly the same, or you're doing less now than you were 12 months ago. It slowly erodes at the enjoyment in your life. Now you do not need another perfect routine. I make that quite clear. And this is how I work with clients. This is where I want to be careful because I don't want anyone listening to this episode thinking I'm about to give them another 10 things that they should be doing. That's the last thing an overwhelmed shift worker needs. And I'm very aware of that. I work shifts for more than 40 years. I know how quickly the best intentions can completely disappear when the roster changes or life gets really busy. But what I do encourage people to think about instead is where there's one small part of their day or their week that they could begin making their own again. Or that time with that partner or whatever. Not an hour-long morning routine, not a complicated

Tiny Changes That Fit Real Life

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wellness program. You don't have time. Stop scrolling looking for the next best diet that you can do. You don't have time for it. Let's be clear. Stop it. You don't have time. You need something that's realistic, something that you can work to that gets you feeling better. This is where I start with clients. For one person, that can be just getting outside for a short walk before an afternoon shift. That's all it takes. For somebody else, it might be making time for a swim on a day off. Hello? I love that. Catching up with a friend for a coffee or simply sitting quietly for 10 minutes without feeling like they should be doing something else. And for someone who's just finished a run of nights, looking after themselves might mean protecting your sleep and saying no to something that can wait. There's no universal answer here. What matters is recognizing that your own needs deserve some consideration alongside everybody else's. Now, this is an area that I'm about to talk about that is incredibly important for you to understand.

Saying No Without Feeling Guilty

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You have to learn to say no without feeling guilty. Shift workers really struggle with this. They feel guilty because they're not around for the family time or the time with friends or whatever. But you know what? That's life. Because when you have an irregular roster, people can sometimes assume that if you're not physically at work, you're available. Hello? We all know that one. You're home during the day, so perhaps you can collect something, run an errand, attend an appointment, or help somebody out. And of course, sometimes you can. But being home doesn't mean that you're free. Because you're not at work doesn't mean you're free. You might have just finished a night shift, you might be preparing for an early start, you might be trying to recover from six or seven demanding shifts in a row. And I think it's perfectly reasonable to recognize that those things all matter. You don't have to justify every minute of your time away from work. Sometimes saying, Oh look, I'd love to help, but I need to get some rest is entirely appropriate. Even more appropriate? No. That's a complete sentence. And sometimes it's about having a conversation with the people around you so that they understand that your roster doesn't simply change when you're at work, it also affects when you need to sleep, recover, and spend time doing the things that matter to you. Now that doesn't mean becoming selfish or refusing to help anybody, it just means recognizing that your time and energy is not an unlimited supply. It's not always all about them. Sometimes it's about you. Now the things that I see through coaching, and one of the things that I find rewarding about working with shift workers, and I love it. I'm passionate about it. And that's why I keep my posse so small of clients, so that I know exactly where each one is at and what they're doing and how I can help them. But it's watching what happens when someone begins to make tiny little changes that start to fit with their life. And you know what? So often the changes are not complicated at all. It might be someone who's just begins protecting someone who begins protecting a little bit more time for sleep, starts planning meals around their roster, or finds a realistic way to return to an activity that they've missed. Sometimes it's simply helping somebody recognize that they don't need to do everything perfectly to make progress. Take the pressure off them. And what I find particularly encouraging is when those changes begin to influence their life outside of work. People start having a little bit more energy for their families, more opportunity to do things that they enjoy, and a greater sense that their roster isn't controlling every part of their life. And that is what I love about it. Seeing them start to bloom. Tiny little changes over time start to make a big difference. My mantra is to give you more energy to do the things that you love outside of your shift working job. Because you can, and there is a way. Because I don't think the end goal of shift work health education is simply about helping somebody survive to their next shift. It should also be about having them have a life outside of work that they literally genuinely enjoy. Because when that happens, people enjoy going to work. Now, every person's circumstances are different. That's why I spend time understanding the individual, their roster, their responsibilities, and what they have actually got going on in their own life and what they're actually struggling with before I start suggesting strategies to them. This is why it's not cookie cutter. This is why I have a small group of clients so that I know that I can work with that particular person and know exactly what they need. There isn't one routine that works for everybody. You're not going to buy a book. You can't get onto your chat GPT and ask for routines because it doesn't work that way. But there are often opportunities to make things a little easier once we understand what it is that's going on, and I can start seeing areas that it can be improved. You won't have thought of them because if you had, you would be doing them. Now you matter. And if there's one thing I'd like you to take away from today's episode, it's that looking after yourself doesn't have to mean putting everyone else second. It just means recognizing that you're part of the equation as well here. Your sleep matters. And you know what? Your health matters. Your relationship matters. And having time to enjoy something simply because you want to do it all, that matters too. You don't need to earn the right to rest by finishing every single job on your list first before you sit. And you don't have to wait until you're completely exhausted before deciding that something needs to change. Now I work with people across many, many different shift working professions. And I'm convinced that we need to spend more time helping people build lives around their rosters rather than allowing their rosters to dictate their lives. Do you want me to repeat that? I am convinced that we need to spend more time helping people build lives around their roster rather than the roster dictating their entire life. Because work is an important part of life. But it shouldn't be the only part that we have the energy for. So here's something that I'd love you to think about after listening to this episode. I want you to stop and think. What is one thing that you stop doing for yourself because work, family, and everyday responsibilities have taken over? And that's your excuse. And what would it take to bring a little bit back into your life? It doesn't have to be something big. Sometimes the smallest change can be the one that we actually maintain. And if you're listening to this and you're thinking, I don't even know where to begin, then that is exactly the sort of person that I will put my arm around and I will guide you. That's what I do. And I've done it with literally hundreds of shift workers who are now thriving. I've just put my arm around them and said, take the pressure off. Let's just do it step by step, very small, very simply. Habits and routines. Now I do single one-to-one consultations.

Support Options And Final Challenge

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I also do discovery calls with people to work out whether it is that they actually need the coaching or how it is and show them that how I can help them to see if we're a good fit for coaching. And there's two different ways that you can go through it. And the link is in the show notes. Go down to the link in the show notes. Reach out. I will help you because it isn't going to get better. It's eroding your life. Look back at where you were this time last year and then look back at where you were this time two years ago. If you'd like help with it, you can find all the details through the show notes. Or you can go to visit ahealthyshift.com. And if you know a colleague who seems to spend their entire life looking after everybody else, what about sending them this episode? It might be a useful reminder that they too deserve a little time for themselves as well. Thank you for listening, and I'll catch you on the next episode. If today's episode resonated with you, don't let the conversation stop here. Share it with a colleague, a manager, a friend, a leader, or someone who has the opportunity to improve the lives of people working in a 24-7 environment. Because real change starts with awareness. And awareness changes conversations, and conversations change organisations. And organizations change lives. So thank you for spending this time with me. And until next time, I want you to remember this it doesn't have to be this way. Take care of yourself and take care of each other.